Hey Kenzie! I really enjoyed your story about the monkey king and his son. It was super easy to follow and also entertaining. I am looking forward to following the story as you develop it. Also, I like the layout of your website it is super easy to navigate. In you author's note I noticed that you said the monkey king knew his son was powerful and that is why he sent him away. It makes me think, how did the king not know that his son would eventually come back for revenge? Since the king is dead I want to know how the story will continue to play out. Will the ogre be rewarded in some way? Or will the son be a better ruler than his father? A lost of possibilities left to playout here that I am interested in reading later on. Also, good job on the author's note clearing up any questions the reader could have had.
Hi Kenzie! I really like the layout and design of your website. I like how it has a sort of ominous tone and is very easy to navigate. I also like the title, and am interested to see if all of your stories revolve around the idea of karma. I think it would be both easy and interesting to use karma as your central theme, seeing as so many Indian epics center around karma. I also read your first story and thought it was very fun to read! I think it could be fun if you sort of continued the story of the monkey king's son. You could show him as the leader, and write stories about his kingdom. I am excited to see your further stories! Good luck!
I love your first story. It was very easy to comprehend because you went into such good details. I like the title, "Karma" as well. I think because of that I can tell what is going to happen to the Monkey King at the end of the story. I think that is such good foreshadowing's. I also love the fact that the story went through a chronological order from when the son was born and then develop to the point that he eventually get to fight his father. I saw that the monkey king banished the maiden at the beginning of the story. I am a little confused as to why he abandoned her in the first place. Did he get bored of her or some specific reason? I think overall the story is really good. I wonder what if you could give some character some names and dialogue to make it connectable to the audience.
Hi Kenzie! I have not read any your stories, so I was excited to read one! I loved your storybook idea of karma, as it is a topic that is definitely relevant to many people! I chose to read "The Lake" as I knew the story with the Pandavas. I really appreciated how you made the Pandavas into modern boys. To me, they seemed to act as kids, which I thought was fitting for your story. One question I have, is how did the voice sound and how would kids of today react to hearing a weird voice in the woods? I know that the boys were dying of thirst, but I feel like modern kids would be weary of hearing a weird voice! I also found it really interesting that the boys did not die like the Pandavas did as well as they were teleported to their beds. This gave the story almost a dreamlike feel instead of something that actually happened. Overall, I believe you did a great job capturing the story of the Pandavas!
Hi Kenzie! I absolutely love the layout of your storybook! It is different than anyone else's that I have seen and I find it to be unique. This made me especially excited to read your stories. I really like the length of your stories, they aren't too long, but at the same time they aren't only a paragraph. It is also really important to include and author's note and yours are quite exceptional. Since most of us all read different versions of the Indian Epics, having a good and detailed author's note is important. Once I understood the background of your story, it made me understand and enjoy it so much more! Adding in dialogue also makes the reader feel more a a part of the story and understand the characters more so I like that you did that. Overall, I think you are on a great path and I can't wait to see what more you come up with! Great Job!
Hi Kenzie! First of all, I like the title of your story! It definitely caught my attention and got me to read your stories! I love the layout and the design of your story. It all goes together and I love how it is easy to navigate throughout. I loved your story about the monkey king and his son and thought that it was very interesting as well as something easy to read! I personally love how your story went in order to the end point which is part of the reason why it was easy to read. I think your authors note was great and was not missing anything. You're usage of dialogue help my as a reader understand the characters and make that connection. Overall, I think you are doing a great job on your stories and I cannot wait to see all the progress you make and the future stories!
Hi Kenzie, I think your stories are very well written and you did a great job of explaining the character motivations. I love the idea of Karma as a storybook and how you have given three distinctive stories in which Karma is an element. I will say I wish there was a bit of an introduction on the first page that tells the reader what they are looking at if that makes sense? Since you do not have an introduction page, and it seems you have used your first story as an introduction, on the first page you could give a guide to the idea of Karma. Or even just an indicator that we will see three stories of Karma and how they will take place?
Hi Kenzie! I love the idea of centering all of your stories around Karma. I think this is an excellent way of connecting your three individual stories without making them too similar to one another. However, despite the title of your project being "Karma", I did not really know what to expect before reading. Was this a storybook or a portfolio? Will the common theme actually be Karma? Questions like these popped up into my head, so I think including an introduction or at the very least an opening sentence or something on the home page is something to consider. Additionally, this is just a design suggestion, but the bottom of each page has a lot of empty, negative space, so I think it would be worth considering either getting rid of all of that extra space on each page or including pictures or details to brighten up the page (though the latter option is specifically for your homepage). That could be something to play around with. I enjoyed the stories you had thus far, especially the voice story, so I look forward to your future work!
I like how all of your stories are centered around that idea of karma. You do a really good job in the first story in my opinion. I can definitely tell how it ties into the ideals "The Monkey Who Gathers Lotuses." One thing I might add is that your story has this big buildup referencing a battle between the monkey child and the monkey king. Maybe you could add in a battle that explains exactly how the ogre and the monkey child take over his father. Even more, maybe add in what the monkey child and his mother do at the end. You make it clear at the end that him and his mother gain power of the kingdom, but do the people like them? Are they good rulers? Maybe just add in little details like that to make your story more personable. Other than that I think it looks great Kenzie!
The first thing I notice about your websites and the stories as well is your choice and wording of the titles. For example, "Karma, what goes around comes around." I absolutely love this because its eye-catching and makes the reader want to read your stories and see what your website is about. Keep that up! Also, the website is easy to navigate and accessible. I do think you could experiment with font sites and an aesthetic look to your page. As for the stories, like the monkey one they all have a similar theme and they are not too short or too long. They all have a moral and a purpose and you are a good writer because they are very engaging. Keep up the good work!
Hi Kenzie, I like your website quite a bit. I also love your theme of karma because I find that topic very interesting. I think that there are many different ways you can incorporate that into a story. I like your stories so far and the way that both of them have a very good connection with karma. The story about The Monkey King's Maiden was written with the obvious overall theme of karma and was very well written. The story is interesting and I loved the revenge the Maiden was able to get on the monkey king. I think your images help with telling the story and give the reader something more to add to imagination. I think that some dialogue could be included but the story still flows very well and is very well formed with little dialogue. Overall I love your stories and am excited to see what you write next!
Hi Kenzie! One thing I think should definitely be added to the beginning of the story is some sort o introduction or author's note. I'm not sure what this story is supposed to be based on and who the characters are. The reason this is better is that the story is so good, but the whole story in the back of my head I'm distracted by thinking about which story it was based on. When I got to the author's note I immediately understood and loved the story. That was a very good story to base something off. I like that you added to the background of the abandoned child. I feel like in the tiny tales I read there were not very many details on people or events. I thought it was funny was the father realized he was going to be changed and lose, karma really did get him. I also agree with your rewrite for the maiden. She really was hurt the most, she definitely deserved to be able to do that more.
I really enjoyed reading over your story "the lake," and felt like you did a good job providing detail so I was able to picture what was going on in my head. I also really liked how the image you used in your story to show to readers what the lake looked like, and how dark it really was. One thing I think you might be able to add to your story to make it better is to say where the lake was actually located, and maybe how old the brothers were. Was Zack the only one out of the group that didn't drink the water because he was the oldest? Smartest? Also at the end I was a bit confused as to what actually happened. Did they jump into the lake and instantly appear in their beds?
Hi Kenzie! Really great work on your portfolio. I liked that all the stories had a common theme between them: Karma, both good and bad. I appreciated that you put your own twist on each of these stories, and your writing was done well. I especially like the lake story, and liked that it had dialogue as opposed to the other two stories which don't. Having dialogue is just my personal preference, but to me it helps move the story along and keep the readers engaged. This weeks feedback focus is on paragraphs. I think your paragraphs are at a great length right now, and I like that you have the width of the text small so that my eyes didn't have to go across the entire screen. The only change I would make is to change the alignment to left instead of centered. I'm used to going to the next line and it always being in the exact same spot, so my eyes were getting a bit confused when reading.
Hey Kenzie! You did a fantastic job with your portfolio, and it's super cool to see a Wix page! I thought the karma themes you focused on for your stories were great, especially the comeuppance for the monkey king. It was clever to have his final fate determined by the exiled maiden rather than the son, I enjoyed that a lot. I'd already read your story about the lake, but it was nice to see the revised version too. I probably had too much fun reading your story about the Syamantaka jewel...I have to admit, the original tale felt a bit like one of those scenes from Scooby Doo when I read through it, and I always wanted Krishna to face some kind of meaningful consequences rather than just getting the wagonloads of gold and prosperity and having to sort-of-delegate some in-fighting. So your twist on it was super refreshing. Anyway, you did a really awesome job with this - good luck with your finals and everything!
Hey Kenzie! I really enjoyed your story about the monkey king and his son. It was super easy to follow and also entertaining. I am looking forward to following the story as you develop it. Also, I like the layout of your website it is super easy to navigate. In you author's note I noticed that you said the monkey king knew his son was powerful and that is why he sent him away. It makes me think, how did the king not know that his son would eventually come back for revenge? Since the king is dead I want to know how the story will continue to play out. Will the ogre be rewarded in some way? Or will the son be a better ruler than his father? A lost of possibilities left to playout here that I am interested in reading later on. Also, good job on the author's note clearing up any questions the reader could have had.
ReplyDeleteHi Kenzie!
ReplyDeleteI really like the layout and design of your website. I like how it has a sort of ominous tone and is very easy to navigate. I also like the title, and am interested to see if all of your stories revolve around the idea of karma. I think it would be both easy and interesting to use karma as your central theme, seeing as so many Indian epics center around karma. I also read your first story and thought it was very fun to read! I think it could be fun if you sort of continued the story of the monkey king's son. You could show him as the leader, and write stories about his kingdom. I am excited to see your further stories! Good luck!
Hey Kenzie,
ReplyDeleteI love your first story. It was very easy to comprehend because you went into such good details. I like the title, "Karma" as well. I think because of that I can tell what is going to happen to the Monkey King at the end of the story. I think that is such good foreshadowing's. I also love the fact that the story went through a chronological order from when the son was born and then develop to the point that he eventually get to fight his father. I saw that the monkey king banished the maiden at the beginning of the story. I am a little confused as to why he abandoned her in the first place. Did he get bored of her or some specific reason? I think overall the story is really good. I wonder what if you could give some character some names and dialogue to make it connectable to the audience.
Hi Kenzie!
ReplyDeleteI have not read any your stories, so I was excited to read one! I loved your storybook idea of karma, as it is a topic that is definitely relevant to many people! I chose to read "The Lake" as I knew the story with the Pandavas. I really appreciated how you made the Pandavas into modern boys. To me, they seemed to act as kids, which I thought was fitting for your story. One question I have, is how did the voice sound and how would kids of today react to hearing a weird voice in the woods? I know that the boys were dying of thirst, but I feel like modern kids would be weary of hearing a weird voice! I also found it really interesting that the boys did not die like the Pandavas did as well as they were teleported to their beds. This gave the story almost a dreamlike feel instead of something that actually happened. Overall, I believe you did a great job capturing the story of the Pandavas!
Hi Kenzie!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love the layout of your storybook! It is different than anyone else's that I have seen and I find it to be unique. This made me especially excited to read your stories. I really like the length of your stories, they aren't too long, but at the same time they aren't only a paragraph. It is also really important to include and author's note and yours are quite exceptional. Since most of us all read different versions of the Indian Epics, having a good and detailed author's note is important. Once I understood the background of your story, it made me understand and enjoy it so much more! Adding in dialogue also makes the reader feel more a a part of the story and understand the characters more so I like that you did that. Overall, I think you are on a great path and I can't wait to see what more you come up with! Great Job!
Hi Kenzie! First of all, I like the title of your story! It definitely caught my attention and got me to read your stories! I love the layout and the design of your story. It all goes together and I love how it is easy to navigate throughout. I loved your story about the monkey king and his son and thought that it was very interesting as well as something easy to read! I personally love how your story went in order to the end point which is part of the reason why it was easy to read. I think your authors note was great and was not missing anything. You're usage of dialogue help my as a reader understand the characters and make that connection. Overall, I think you are doing a great job on your stories and I cannot wait to see all the progress you make and the future stories!
ReplyDeleteHi Kenzie,
ReplyDeleteI think your stories are very well written and you did a great job of explaining the character motivations. I love the idea of Karma as a storybook and how you have given three distinctive stories in which Karma is an element. I will say I wish there was a bit of an introduction on the first page that tells the reader what they are looking at if that makes sense? Since you do not have an introduction page, and it seems you have used your first story as an introduction, on the first page you could give a guide to the idea of Karma. Or even just an indicator that we will see three stories of Karma and how they will take place?
Hi Kenzie!
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of centering all of your stories around Karma. I think this is an excellent way of connecting your three individual stories without making them too similar to one another. However, despite the title of your project being "Karma", I did not really know what to expect before reading. Was this a storybook or a portfolio? Will the common theme actually be Karma? Questions like these popped up into my head, so I think including an introduction or at the very least an opening sentence or something on the home page is something to consider. Additionally, this is just a design suggestion, but the bottom of each page has a lot of empty, negative space, so I think it would be worth considering either getting rid of all of that extra space on each page or including pictures or details to brighten up the page (though the latter option is specifically for your homepage). That could be something to play around with. I enjoyed the stories you had thus far, especially the voice story, so I look forward to your future work!
Hi Kenzie,
ReplyDeleteI like how all of your stories are centered around that idea of karma. You do a really good job in the first story in my opinion. I can definitely tell how it ties into the ideals "The Monkey Who Gathers Lotuses." One thing I might add is that your story has this big buildup referencing a battle between the monkey child and the monkey king. Maybe you could add in a battle that explains exactly how the ogre and the monkey child take over his father. Even more, maybe add in what the monkey child and his mother do at the end. You make it clear at the end that him and his mother gain power of the kingdom, but do the people like them? Are they good rulers? Maybe just add in little details like that to make your story more personable. Other than that I think it looks great Kenzie!
Hello,
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I notice about your websites and the stories as well is your choice and wording of the titles. For example, "Karma, what goes around comes around." I absolutely love this because its eye-catching and makes the reader want to read your stories and see what your website is about. Keep that up! Also, the website is easy to navigate and accessible. I do think you could experiment with font sites and an aesthetic look to your page. As for the stories, like the monkey one they all have a similar theme and they are not too short or too long. They all have a moral and a purpose and you are a good writer because they are very engaging. Keep up the good work!
Hi Kenzie, I like your website quite a bit. I also love your theme of karma because I find that topic very interesting. I think that there are many different ways you can incorporate that into a story. I like your stories so far and the way that both of them have a very good connection with karma. The story about The Monkey King's Maiden was written with the obvious overall theme of karma and was very well written. The story is interesting and I loved the revenge the Maiden was able to get on the monkey king. I think your images help with telling the story and give the reader something more to add to imagination. I think that some dialogue could be included but the story still flows very well and is very well formed with little dialogue. Overall I love your stories and am excited to see what you write next!
ReplyDeleteHi Kenzie! One thing I think should definitely be added to the beginning of the story is some sort o introduction or author's note. I'm not sure what this story is supposed to be based on and who the characters are. The reason this is better is that the story is so good, but the whole story in the back of my head I'm distracted by thinking about which story it was based on. When I got to the author's note I immediately understood and loved the story. That was a very good story to base something off. I like that you added to the background of the abandoned child. I feel like in the tiny tales I read there were not very many details on people or events. I thought it was funny was the father realized he was going to be changed and lose, karma really did get him. I also agree with your rewrite for the maiden. She really was hurt the most, she definitely deserved to be able to do that more.
ReplyDeleteHi Kenzie,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading over your story "the lake," and felt like you did a good job providing detail so I was able to picture what was going on in my head. I also really liked how the image you used in your story to show to readers what the lake looked like, and how dark it really was. One thing I think you might be able to add to your story to make it better is to say where the lake was actually located, and maybe how old the brothers were. Was Zack the only one out of the group that didn't drink the water because he was the oldest? Smartest? Also at the end I was a bit confused as to what actually happened. Did they jump into the lake and instantly appear in their beds?
Hi Kenzie! Really great work on your portfolio. I liked that all the stories had a common theme between them: Karma, both good and bad. I appreciated that you put your own twist on each of these stories, and your writing was done well. I especially like the lake story, and liked that it had dialogue as opposed to the other two stories which don't. Having dialogue is just my personal preference, but to me it helps move the story along and keep the readers engaged. This weeks feedback focus is on paragraphs. I think your paragraphs are at a great length right now, and I like that you have the width of the text small so that my eyes didn't have to go across the entire screen. The only change I would make is to change the alignment to left instead of centered. I'm used to going to the next line and it always being in the exact same spot, so my eyes were getting a bit confused when reading.
ReplyDeleteHey Kenzie! You did a fantastic job with your portfolio, and it's super cool to see a Wix page! I thought the karma themes you focused on for your stories were great, especially the comeuppance for the monkey king. It was clever to have his final fate determined by the exiled maiden rather than the son, I enjoyed that a lot. I'd already read your story about the lake, but it was nice to see the revised version too. I probably had too much fun reading your story about the Syamantaka jewel...I have to admit, the original tale felt a bit like one of those scenes from Scooby Doo when I read through it, and I always wanted Krishna to face some kind of meaningful consequences rather than just getting the wagonloads of gold and prosperity and having to sort-of-delegate some in-fighting. So your twist on it was super refreshing. Anyway, you did a really awesome job with this - good luck with your finals and everything!
ReplyDelete